When you come into the presence of the Master, the one things that’s always true is that nothing is what you expect. Looking back on it, it’s like a big kaleidoscope: preconceptions broken, Masters greatness shown to me in ways I never really knew before. Well, I went there full of self-importance: I had done all this work Master had assigned to me; I awaited further assignments – that kind of thing. Well, he was not displeased with anything. He didn’t say anything negative or positive. It took me a while  to grasp: all he wanted to talk to me about was my own inner growth.


He talked a lot about my attitude toward work. He said, “When you talk to people, make sure that they understand that you are telling them from the level of your understanding only. Don’t assert! Don’t come on as though Master is saying it. He said, “Whatever you do, don’t be the Master of the work assigned to you. Know you’re working for someone else, never forget that!” – very strong.


Before Judith came, I missed her like anything, and I began to feel ashamed. Here I am with the Master, we are supposed to be above such things, attachment to wives, etc.. We went back to Delhi and  was trying like anything to meditate and through the Grace of God it was not entirely fruitless. But I missed Judith so much… That night at Darshan on the porch, Master said to me out of the blue, “Yes, what’s on your mind, speak up, heart to heart – so kindly. All during this time, Master was showing me time and again how he knows our innermost thoughts – it was really knows incredible, he really knows everything. There’s no doubt about it. So he pulled me out like that – heart to heart. I said, “Master, I am disgusted with myself because of the tiny amount of love that I have for you.” He said, “How can you measure love – how can you measure it? It’s either there or it is not.” I said, “when thoughts of outside things come up in meditation, my mind clings –“  he said, “Look here, when thoughts of wife and children come up, don’t love them, love them for the sake of him who has given them to you. Then you will be all right.” He was so loving, so kind. Many times I would be in that kind of a state. He would just talk to me and it would be like he was washing me with the gentlest kind of beautiful water. I would be shaking with happiness after just a few words like that.


Our habit, even when we’re with the Master, is to think always  in our own terms, so that we ask questions and conversations take place in a frame of reference that is entirely of our own making. It is very rare for Master to violate that; it’s like a game he plays. If you select a frame of reference, he will play the game within that. But if you would selected another one, you might find out a lot more, or  if you just leave it open to him – anything could happen. These are subtle things…. In the Masters presence there is nothing that cannot and should not and does not lead to growth, nothing.


You see, Master has two kinds of beauty. Actually, he has fifty thousand kinds; but he has two main kinds. I am talking about physical beauty. The first is his beauty near at hand, like when you are sitting on the floor about six inches away from him, and you are looking into his face and you see every nook and cranny of the boulder that his face it, and you wonder how on earth God could create such a face as that. That’s one kind of beauty, you see, and you are looking into his eyes…. Sometimes I would look into them and my eyes would hurt, and I could not focus on both eyes at once. And I found it very difficult to answer him and when he talked to me; I would have to avert my gaze for a second in order to make my mind work enough to come up with the answer that he wanted. Because it’s really true that looking into his eyes you begin to withdraw; there’s no doubt about it, the withdrawal process starts.


The other kind of beauty is his beauty at Satsang. He’s sitting up there on the dais, and you may be quite  a distance from him, no doubt, but he’s sitting up there and he is a lion. That’s his name, you know – “Kirpal Singh” means merciful lion – that’s his name and that’s what he is. And those days in Meerut he was sitting up there holding Satsang, and most beautifully exquisite experience is watching him – even if you don’t understand a word – watching him make his points with motions of his hands, the way he would move his head…. Sometimes he talks for three hours, more usually two. He never stirs from his waist down. From his waist up, he’s swaying. He’s looking, he’s darting his eyes – he looks at the whole congregation, he notices everyone. He’s so alive! You look at him and the life that’s coming from him is so tangible, you think, “Oh my God, how beautiful, how much beauty can there be in the world?” so that’s what it was like in Meerut….


At Manav Kendra there’s a little old woman that lives there; she looks about ninety. She’s all bent over with a big hump on her back. She walks around mumbling bhajans and moves very slowly with great difficulty with steps and things. So one day we were all following Master along this path, and Masters walking very fast – he just floats along (and by the way he walks just as fast as he did before his operation, and in every way he appears to be more healthy, more vigorous, more active, and more youthful than two years ago) – anyway we were all coming along this path in a big could following Master and there was this little old woman up ahead, and there were three stone steps in the path and she started to go up them, with great difficulty. And Master, never even breaking his stride, just reached down and put his hand under her elbow, and it looked from behind as though he just lifted her up the three steps and set her on the top. And then he kept on going. She knelt right down on the ground and took the dust from where his feet had been and put it on her forehead. The way he did it, the whole feel of the thing, was just so many things like that….


Sometimes there’s a certain kind of Indian disciple who has a certain way of looking at the Master which to me is meaningful beyond words. Its smile, but it’s a smile that so extreme that it seems like their face is going to break in two. And there’s tears in the eyes along with it. Whenever you see that expression, you know that just being with the Master is almost knocking them out. and Master was so loving to people like that – he pats them on the face, he sits right down with them…


Just before we left were up in Pathankot and I said to Master “I cant believe in two days time we’ll be in the United States.” He said, “who says you are leaving, who says? You will take me with you. Wherever you are, I’ll be there.” He patted me…. It was so hard to believe that we were coming home, so hard. You live in India for a little while, even six weeks, it gets into your blood. You just think, “Oh India,” just like you think, “Oh, Master, - how can you be so beautiful?”


There was a Satsang the morning of our last day, and despite the fact that I was sick as a dog, I wanted to go to it…. In both good and bad ways, that Satsang was something. I was sick in a way that’s almost indescribable. I was sitting cross-legged on the ground.


In the morning it was cold, but as the day went on it got hot, and I was dressed for the cold morning, with long underwear, etc., and as the day went on I really began to stifle. Master gave the longest talk without a doubt that I have ever heard him give anywhere – three hours almost on the nose, of which only a phrase or two were in English. And for last two hours of that three-hour talk I was in such intense pain that I had to sit absolutely straight because any other position put too much pressure on me…. With all that, Masters face was so beautiful – I was sitting there  looking at it, I could not believe it. And I kept looking more and more at his face and I realized I would rather be there than anywhere else in the world doing anything else. You see, you cant – pictures don’t get it, movies don’t get it, people descriptions don’t get it, you have it to see it with your own eyes.


Everything about the Master is so subtle. He makes a point he smiles, just a little bit of a smile, and the subtle beauty of that smile just floats out across at your heart….


Master said several times, “what you hear in your ears, preach on the housetops.” He was quoting Christ. Of course, we are not to give out what we are not authorized to give out what we are authorized to give out. but the news that the Master does not exist on earth and has the competence and power, and God can be found and met and loved and love back in a very real way in this age. That’s what the path is all about.


When we are at his feet, these things are very clear; but when we leave him, and time goes by and we get involved in other things  lip service is paid, but less and less of our real heart goes to the job of finding God. The path is a very real thing. Master wants us to grow, he wants us to break through our attachments, he wants us to love, he wants us to be happy, be jolly, and live always from the level of someone who sees that the Master is taking care of him. Because he really is. He is protecting us every minute. What he doesn’t protect us from is the very thing we are supposed to have…. He showed me in a million ways he knows everything. He understands everything – our hang-ups, our attachments – he can go deep down inside our minds, he sees what is there. He loves us anyway! I said to him the  last day, “Master , you  have showed me over and over again that you know every thought I am thinking the inmost desires of my heart.” He didn’t deny it; he said, “Yes?” I said, “and yet you love me anyway!” he said, “Look here, if a child comes to its mother smeared with filth, what does the mother do? Does she not love it? Does she not wash it down and hug it to her breast? Does she hate him? Does she beat him or kill him?”


There is nothing, you know, that he doesn’t know about us. He knows where we are at. He knows it. When you are in front of him, he knows, but he knows equally well over here. Because he made direct reference to fears and hang-ups and things like that I had over here before I went. He knew all about them; I never talked about them, not a word, but he knew. He really is God….