January 27, 1964 MARRIAGE: Inner
& Outer ALL
Masters say that marriage is a sacrament, not a contract. This system began
ages back. We are entering into life. For that, Masters always enjoin that we
must have good lives: we should be righteous; that is, have good thoughts, good
words and good deeds. All scriptures tell us that outer marriage means taking a
companion in life for weal or woe on this earthly sojourn to help each other to
know God, which is the highest aim before us in the man-body. One duty of
marriage may be that of begetting children; it is not 100% of our duties. We
need a companion in life. Whoever God unites, let God disunite. It is the
unseen hand of God working behind it, that brings two souls together to wind up
the give and take of the reactions of their past. But
marriage is meant for a higher purpose of the union of soul with God. All
scriptures and all religions tell us that. The Sikh scriptures have given as
the first step that we should have righteous lives: good thoughts, good words
and good deeds; and love for all: not to hurt the feelings of anybody.
Naturally, love knows service and sacrifice. One who loves knows only to give,
give and give: to help himself and to help others, too. An ethical life, with
the normal duties of a householder, is a steppingstone to spirituality. The
ultimate goal is to know God, and we should help each other to know God. The
first step is an ethical life. We
have joined various schools of thought or religions for the purpose of having
spirituality. What is spirituality? We are spirit in man. Spirituality is the
subject of analyzing spirit from the bondage of mind and outgoing faculties, to
know ourselves and then to know God. God cannot be known by observation:
"You cannot enter the kingdom of God by observation." These are the
elementary steps of the outer religions we have taken up; the main purpose is
to have love and devotion to God. Also, as God resides in every heart, and we
are spirit in man, we should have love and regard for everyone: even of
creatures, not to speak of men. With
that object in view, what have we to do? The ultimate goal of union of the soul
with God is the true marriage. Naturally, to be married in the outward way, you
have to call for the minister. Here a minister is supposed to be a very holy
man, and he knows about the marriage business. Similarly, for the inner, true
marriage of soul with God, we need somebody who knows the way and who is adept
in there, in that subject. So, learn to sit at the feet of somebody who has
known God, because we want to know God. Those who have known God have all said
the same thing; of course, in their own languages. But the purpose is the same.
What do they say? Man is the highest in all creation, and the highest aim
before us is to know God. Remain in any religion you like. This outer union of
two bodies -embodied souls- together, is the first step toward the ultimate. The
second step is to help each other to have union with God. That is the true
marriage: the soul with God eternal. Mira Bai said, "I now have the
eternal marriage with God; now I have nothing to fear. He is unchangeable
permanence; so I have a marriage that will never break." For
that marriage, you will naturally need somebody who has that inner contact or
achievement. Call him by any name you like: you might call him a minister or a
Master or anything. He is supposed to have known God. In all churches,
ministers are meant for that purpose. They should unite with God and help
others to unite with God. So,
have pure lives and guidance: sit at the feet of somebody who has known God.
What will he do? Naturally, if he has known God, he will know what are the
helping and what are the retarding factors to the union of the soul with God.
He will tell you how to withdraw the outward attention, which is the expression
of the soul and which is now devoted to the world, from the outside and then
how to rise above body consciousness and come in contact with God, Who is
already there. Such a soul becomes enlivened, you might say; the other souls
are dead. (The attention of the soul, which is diffused in the world, becomes
so identified with it, that it materializes.) They have died from the sense of
consciousness; they are always thinking of matter and of outside things, they
will know nothing further than that. Guru Nanak says, "Only he is alive, 0
Nanak, who is awakened, who is conscious of God": as I see you and you see
me. Only such a man is living; others are dead. This is also what Christ meant
by "soul dies." Soul does not die; this is the meaning behind it. The
first step is to follow outer righteousness: have chaste lives, truthfulness,
love for all, and service and sacrifice for the sake of others. The first step
is taken when you have this kind of life and you sit at the feet of somebody
who knows the way-who knows God, who is united with God and whose soul is
married to God, you might say. I think you remember that in your biblical
scriptures, some of the saints said, "Christ has given me a ring."
That is the elementary step: the soul's marriage to God. They became conscious
of it, and they thought that their soul was married to God. When you have taken
that step, consider that it is the first step: you are married to God; your
soul is married. The
second step is what He gives you. He gives you a contact with the God-power
within, which is called Word. The outer expression of Word has two aspects:
Light and Sound. He gives you a contact with them. The result is that, day by
day, you get more and more bliss and enchantment within yourself. Naturally,
you become more attached inside and less outside. The result is that Sound
begins to reverberate, and you hear. That is already reverberating, but we are
not in contact with it. When you are given a contact with that Sound and Light Principle,
you begin to bear that Sound all twenty-four hours of the day and night,
without closing your ears. The result of contacting that eternal Sound or Music
of the Spheres is that you are become more attached to that higher bliss than
to the outside; then you are in the world and yet out of it. This is the first
result. Passions do not assail you, because you have more bliss inside: your
attention is always drawn by that higher power within you. You will feel that
you are in the world and yet out of it. Just as, if you sit by fire, all cold
is gone, and when you sit by ice, all heat is gone, similarly, the more you
come in contact with the Light and Sound Principle within, the more you will
become unattached to the world, and all passions will begin to leave you. When
you have that realization in your life-that you are in the world and yet out of
it-you take the second step towards the union of the soul with God. What
happens further? You begin to see Him within this temple of God, the man-body.
You see that the Light is within you, and you also hear the Music of the
Spheres. Then, when that expands, you see that the whole of creation is the
temple of God. Wherever you look, He is there, and there is no place where He
is not. That inner vision opens. When you see God within and all around you,
you sometimes feel as if you forget yourself. When that realization comes, you
have taken the third step toward the union of your soul with God. And
what comes last? You become one with God. You lose all individual
consciousness, like a drop of water, which, when it unites with the river or
ocean, becomes one with the ocean. Guru Ramdas said, "If there is such a
man, who has become one with God, how would you define him?" He said,
"Tell him that he is the same, that's all." This is the ultimate
consummation of the soul with God: you become one with God; you see He is in
you and you are in Him: "I and my Father are one." This is the
ultimate feeling. Feeling? No, seeing. It is not even seeing-seeing remains in
the third stage. The ultimate is that you become one with Him. It is becoming. This
fourth stage is the ultimate goal. But still, those who attain that goal
experience some duality. Shankara said, "0 God, I know there is no
difference between You and me, but I am Thine, Thou art not mine; because a
wave can be of the ocean, but the ocean cannot be of the wave." First,
those who become one lose all "I-hood" and become the conscious
co-worker of the divine plan; then, they become; they rise into Him.
This is the ultimate consummation of soul with God: union with God. This
is the higher form of religion within each one of us; and for it, we have
joined various schools of thought or religions. They have been a helping factor
to those who have attained that stage. In the Sikh scriptures, the four stages
are given, step by step. Generally a teacher gives the first step, and in all
religions they give a little reference to it. What do they say? "God has
united you; let God disunite you." If you are together for the same goal,
you will even live together after leaving the body, too. You are going the same
way. These
are the steps, step-by-step, that we have to take to reach that ultimate union
with God, called the true marriage of soul with God. In the Sikh scriptures,
both aspects are given: first, the outer ideal; and then, with that-because it
is not the end-all-the further ideal of the union of soul with God. The
grace of God working in some human pole-it is His grace alone-helps
step-by-step to reach Him. If you meet such a Master in whom God is manifest,
that manifested God will help you to take up the way, step-by-step. First, you
become a normal, righteous man. You sit at the feet of the Master; you obey His
orders; you love Him. If you love anyone, you love his commandments. From Him
you get the Bread of Life and the Water of Life: you become spiritually strong.
This is the first step you have to take. The
second step is when you become intoxicated with the Light and Sound Principle
of God. You are in the world, yet out of it. Nothing can contaminate you. The
next step is, that whatever you see within you, you begin to see all around:
the whole world, the universe, is the temple of God. In
the last step of all, first you become a conscious co-worker. You see that
"I and my Father are one." But still, sometimes you take a dip in the
ocean and you become one, and then again you feel, "I and my Father are
one." Something has been given out by Masters as the ultimate goal, and
that is to unite our souls with God: that is the true, higher form of marriage.
If those two souls are put together, and their souls are married to God, they
are one; they cannot be separated. This
is something given out by almost all Masters. Love is not love that changeth
from place to place. What is that love that changeth and is here today, there
tomorrow? Christ said, "If you cannot love your brother whom you see, how
can you love God whom you have not yet seen?" This is a form of outer
marriage, which is a symbol of the higher marriage that you have to attain in
due course. Blessed is the man who has had the man-body and his soul has united
with God forever: he is one with God. This
is what is meant by the goal. God has united you. Continue, and go on through
weal or woe to help each other, with the ultimate goal being to know God.
Maintain whatever children you have, and set your lives as an example, so that
the children may copy you. Ever
since I've come here, I've had the occasion to see three marriages. And others,
also- hear me! Open your ears to see. Instead of running here, there, and
everywhere, either be purely chaste, or, if not, be married; it would be
better. That is the last thing I would advise you. Marriage does not mean, all
along, a sensuous life. It is a very noble thing: a sacrament. Help each other.
But running here, there, and everywhere is not a good example. Either remain
100% chaste: good-I'll wash your feet-or, if not, be married. That will help
you on your way back to God. Christ said, "Husbands should love their
wives as Christ loved the Church." This is the highest ideal before us,
even as married persons. In
the old days, in the times of the rishis, there were three grades of chastity.
The lowest or third grade was of 12 years. The second grade was 24 years of
complete celibacy. And the first grade was 48 years. Now, just look to our own
selves. This is the power that makes body, mind and soul. We do not value this
very important thing. We raise our buildings on sand. This is a very valuable
thing: it is not meant to be given to a sensuous way of living. It is something
that gives strength to your body, to your mind, to your soul. It is a very
great helping factor. Marriage
is very noble. You'll find that many Masters were married. They had one or two
children, and that was all. When they took up the role of Mastership, they left
off all of that. This is a very valuable thing. The pity is that these things
are not taught. We think it is below our dignity. But these are the things
which I think are sapping the very life of the coming generation. We should
wake up: it is time. I request those who come here to be chaste and to have
very righteous lives. If they are married, they should be married in the true
sense of the marriage, and help each other to know God; that is all. For
that purpose, they have the company of those who have succeeded that way. They
can give you right guidance and can also help you on the way. And what is that
helping? It is first the giving of the outer, righteous way of living and the
inner, higher contact; and then, the development of it. First, we will see and
find that the body is the temple of God. Then, that is developed further, and
with open eyes we will see that the whole universe is the temple of God. And
sometimes, in that intoxication, we will forget ourselves. So, it is a matter
of seeing: not seeing, but becoming. The ultimate goal of soul is God. Masters
have been giving such teachings, but we simply ruminate over them and do not go
into the right import of what they taught. These are only ceremonies that are
performed, and ordinarily they are taken very lightly; but they are very
serious; they have some meaning behind them. From time to time I have been
laying before you the digest, in a few words, of what I came to know intellectually
and spiritually. Just strive to live up to it. Truth is above all, and true
living is still above truth. If you have very chaste lives and a righteous way
of living, you will have truth; and that will earn my pleasure, too, and the
praise of all who see you. They will praise you, they will praise your school
of thought, and they will praise the person at whose feet you sit. If you don't
live up to them, you will simply spoil the good name of the school of thought
and also the name of the Master at whose feet you sit. Param
Sant Kirpal Singh |